Today was Scary

I had chemo today which was scheduled to be my second to the last treatment. Things were going normally; I had all four of the pretreatment drugs including Benadryl, and had finished first chemo drug Taxol. Then things changed.

While the Carbo-platin was being administered, I began to feel weird. It happened quite suddenly and before I had time to think much about whether I was ok or not I began to have trouble breathing. I turned to tell my daughter that I had a problem when I realized that I couldn’t talk. (I remembered later that you need air to move across your vocal chords in order to talk and since I couldn’t breathe very well, I also couldn’t talk).
We were watching a DVD on her lap top and so she was only about a foot away from me. I tried to say the words, though they only came out in a whisper, “Something’s not right!” She immediately ran to get the nurse. They came back running and in minutes an alarm was sounded, everyone in the office was encircling me and the nurse had turned off the drug that had been was dripping into me.

I felt pressure in my chest and was still having trouble breathing, although by now I was beginning to feel a little better. I didn’t know it then, but learned today that Carbo-platin is a drug that if you are going to have an allergic reaction to it, it will happen after you have been on it for a while. It’s like your body finally speaks up and says, “Enough is enough. I’m not putting up with this anymore.” Well, that was exactly what was happening and since the nurse had stopped the IV containing the drug already and had started flushing with saline, I was beginning to feel a little better. My body continued to react in a rash from my face to my stomach and arms. My hands turned very red and were extremely itchy. But all in all, I was ok. It was such a comfort that the whole staff came to my need and that the doctor remained so calm. He knew exactly what was happening and could explain it to me. The concern shown to me was also reassuring. I knew this wasn’t normal and in all the times I’ve been to the office in the last 5 months, I’ve never seen this happen to anyone else either, but I also knew the people there helping me had it under control.

After a while I began to feel well enough to realize how serious this could have been. If Elizabeth had not been able to immediately run and get the nurse, I don’t know what I would have done. I was practically immobile. Although my brain was still functioning, my body wouldn’t cooperate to help me communicate my desperation except for the little bit I managed do. When I thought about what could have happened if she wasn’t there I began to cry. Then I tried to talk to myself about not going there mentally. I have said for years that the devil works in the “what ifs” and so I decided to not allow myself to think about the “what ifs” in this situation. I instead thought of the ways God had taken care of me. He had Elizabeth there. She had seen me though more treatments than anyone else and knew this wasn’t normal. She immediately did the right thing to help me. The professionals there understood what was happening and took care of me properly. God was with me helping me in my weakness. I began this cancer journey with the verse, “In all things give thanks for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus.” This thought sustained me though all the trials as it did this one.

This all happened today at a few minutes after 12 noon. It was the time that Dan had planned to pick up Elizabeth at chemo and have her ride with him to pick up our van. It had some work done on it and it was ready to be picked up. On his way to pick her up, he changed his mind and asked Abby to do it. The original plan was for Elizabeth to do it since Abby was supposed to be bridal gown shopping with her friend who is getting married later this year and Abby is going to be her maid-of-honor. Well, to make this long a little shorter, I’ll just say that the bride didn’t feel well today and so they didn’t go shopping. Thank God that He had Dan call Abby to do this errand so Elizabeth could be there for me. Again, I see that God had everything under control. It was still scary for me, but that was all. I was in His care.

The doctor told me that the last time one of his patients had a bad reaction to this drug, that patient spent a week in the hospital. Obviously his reaction was a lot more serious than mine. He also told me that since I had had 50 mg of Benadryl already and was responding well - the swelling, redness, breathing problems etc were all getting better- then I probably wouldn’t have to be hospitalized. That got my attention. I hadn’t realized before this that that might be a possibility. I am sitting at home writing this very thankful that I am not in the hospital. I am thankful that the EKG they did on my heart after this episode today showed my heart was in excellent condition. I can think of a list of things to be thankful for, but to sum it up, I am thankful that God knows and cares about all these things in my life. I know there are so many people who are suffering and that my problems are small compared to others, but He is so big and so mighty He can and does care for me. I stand in awe.

Thank you, Lord.